Numbness
This is a creative writing peace which I wrote for an assignment. The exercise consisted of writing an abstract and making a 3D space in a cube out of that abstract. This is the very abstract which I wrote. It consists an experience and only the emotion and the feel which was felt during that specific moment in time. This is the essence of the feeling and not the feeling itself.
I was afraid to tell people how I feel. I felt it would let them down, rather I would let them down with my problems. I didn’t want them to come close to it. So I buried it deep within. Four walls surrounding it and let it destroy me. Little was I in the knowledge of, that I could understand what I did. Little was I in the knowledge of, that burying it in the four walls within me was the very thing it wanted me to do. And I had done it. These walls are always very unimportantly dangerous, very unexpectedly fathomable and very unrespectably simple. They are extremely fickle when it comes to making decisions. They have a conscious of their own. They understand that supremiety is the only goal and hence they try and expand themselves. Unknowingly we get trapped inside these very walls and become one of it. It’s our own little jail. Where no one is going to come and bail us but ourselves.
When we go to therapists, they tell us to come out of these walls. But they don’t realise that these walls have grown themselves into the Walls of Nanjing(thickest walls of the world). They were a maze now. A closed maze. Like the big bang, it made life as well. The horrific demons, the sadist animals, the fervour beasts. Not evil. Never evil.
I didn’t go to a therapist if that’s what you are wondering. I was never a child to give up. And I didn’t. It’s said that, with time everything will corrode. Hence, I made him my master. I let him corrode. Turn it weak while I was making myself stronger. Gaining energy from its crumbles. Like a virus it had infected me and like a virus I now infected it. Humour. Sadistic humour. Not evil. Never evil. But infectious than was expected.
I thought when it would go away, I would be free. But I was wrong. I had made it a part of my existence. And now when it was nearly gone, I could feel nothingness. Again. I was afraid. Again. But now I knew what exactly to do. I let it build again. I let it consume me again. But this time “I” made it. I rose from it. Like a phoenix. I made it into a kingdom, a kingdom of those demons and beasts, whom I still pet till this very day. A mild entirety of my existence. History repeated… but the lessons learnt? Vastly different. The contortion could be seen and in that I regained my posture and laughed it out.
Written by Parishi Bachkaniwala
What do you think about this? Is it good? Did it make you feel anything? Have you ever experienced anything similar? Let me know in the comments!